Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
