I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
