i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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