Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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