pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
