My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
