I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
