A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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