about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Found your dick twin last night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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