fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
