No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Pooping to opera.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize