Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
