dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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