Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
