He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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