Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
