like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
