there was a trapeze. enough said
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
