Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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