Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
