ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
