If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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