Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
