9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
where are my eyebrows?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
