I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
