i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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