Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize