No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
