i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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