They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
