Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
