I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
