capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
