even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
