based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
