I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
