Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
