Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
