The maid of honor just puked.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
