I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
