i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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