WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize