shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We are two peas in an std pod
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
