shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
