I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
