you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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