from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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