Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
