True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
