i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
