dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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