I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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