Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
being pregnant is like rehab
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
