If i come over, it means nothing
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
