Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
