Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize