you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
