Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
