I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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