i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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