I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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