1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
