nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We are two peas in an std pod
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
