White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
