No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
